My Dearest Lydia
A father's letters to his unborn baby girl with anencephaly.
A journey of a man and His God through grief and mercy.
A journey of a man and His God through grief and mercy.
Every dollar will go towards medical bills and healing.
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” - Romans 8:18
My Dearest Lydia,
Your Mommy's birthday is today. I forgot. We both did. Only a day after we learned about your condition. All life and time stop. All thoughts and love are with you, thinking of you, praying for you, and wanting nothing but the best for you. Emotions are an all time high and nothing more than you would be the perfect birthday gift.
Your mom has asked me so many times what I wanted for our birthdays (they are very close to each other). I have said for the last five months that I wanted a beautiful baby for my birthday. Healthy. Now, I just want you to be happy. I want you to be able breath, see, smile, laugh, and be a living baby in our lives. I cannot think of anything other than that as our only blessing in life right now.
My baby girl, this world is so evil. It comes with such great sins and selfishness. Many people walk through this life only thinking of themselves, not even knowing that's what they are doing. The world is so sad. All the evil in this world: the greed, lust, envy, racism, bigots, and rage is washed away with where we are with you. Nothing else matters except you and God's will.
Well hearted individuals have offered their thoughts on our grief. They are people that take care of hurting animals, the elderly, and even generous helpers with the hurting around our town. These are generous people. There are plenty of our friends that do this, and we believe they are beautiful, but a few have mentioned the hardship you would be in our lives if you were disabled in any way and that we should think about your brother and our bank accounts first. These words hurt. We hold you higher than all animals on God's great Earth. God gave you worth when He gave you to us, and no matter what your condition would be, we would have you in our lives. You are worth every piece of gold on this planet. Every human is no matter what. I still find it baffling that people would care about something else other than a human, or a person here, rather than give worth to an unborn child that parents and God love the dearest. You are worth the same as any other human on this planet. God made us all.
Our birthday wish, now, would be that people would come to know Christ through you, my dearest Love. I want people to know that God loves them. There are so many individuals in this world that think they are nothing, worthless and forgotten. Maybe it is because of something they did. Maybe it is because others put no worth on their lives. My dearest love, this world is in so much pain, and only when God comes again will it be fixed. Our love for you makes this planet a little brighter. Our love for each other is what this world turn. God's love. That's the only thing that matters.
On our birthdays, this cuts deeper than normal. But, I don't think people truly understand the constant heartbreak and crushing of the spirit this situation is. I don't think anyone can understand unless they have the same thing looming over them. These suggestions might come from a heartfelt place, but they are wrong. If you start with the bad seed, you grow the wrong tree, and these people are thinking about self-things: what hardships would it be for us, what money issues we would have for us - these are physical issues, not spiritual ones. When did we forget about your life, my Dearest Love? These are man's issues, not the ways of God. We place YOU in God's hands, He gave you to us for this time, and we are blessed to be the two that say YES to you, even when death might loom over us like a cloud we know is coming sooner or later.
During our birthdays, it seems like we are offering a gift of insight to the world. Love. Unconditional love.
We are aware the reality that you face. But, like Mother Mary, we say yes. We take on this mantel of being your parents. We assume the heart ache and say yes to saving your life, your beautiful little body, and your beating heart. Even if it is for a little while, we respect and honor your unique sweet soul. We will never say no until God says so. Anyone that tells us otherwise are mistaken, and it is unfortunate that people put less value on your life than "other things." It is easy to see what is wrong with this world, from this perspective.
“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ - Matthew 25: 37-40
You are our daughter, no matter what hurdles lie in wait for us. You are our daughter, our precious child, and we rebuke the ignorant and declare God loves all of us, no matter who we are, what we have done, or where we are going. No one is less than another. No one.
We love you so much, Dearest Lydia.
We have read a lot in our weathered Bible on our lunch table. We always read it to your brother, Whitson, for breakfast and dinner. But, it is our connection to the only One that knows our birthdays better than ourselves. He knows when you will be born, He knows if you will live with Him or with us, and He is the only Great Physician that can turn this all around for your family.
Your life is my wife’s birthday wish. The only one. We love you, Lydia. We will celebrate your life every day and prepare for your arrival. We will not cry your passing until the Dear Lord decides when that is. We won’t back down from hope. We won’t give in to fear. We believe that God if He wills, can breathe healing, and could save your life. But, if He wants you to come back to Him, we will love you harder than any baby on this planet for this time.
We look forward to heaven: The release of all pain and suffering from this life, and to be remembered back to you, if you are not able to live with us on Earth. We say “Yes” to God, for whatever this life shows us, and we remain faithful to our Father’s love through the darkest of days. We will love you as long as we have you, my Dearest Lydia. My dearest baby girl.
We love you. Always. This birthday is the hardest. These days are the hardest. We only want you, little girl. But, God will always know what is better. We can only say, "We love you!" and pray to God for Him to do what is best. We want you, and we want this to pass from you, but it will always be God's will. We love you. We love God. No matter what.
“Now this is the confidence we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petition that we have asked of Him.” - I John 5:14-15
To make a donation to the Lydia campaign, please www.gofundme.com/DearestLydiaclick on the button, or here and donate. Every dollar will go towards helping Lydia and Miranda, and to help the family with preparations for her arrival. This blog will serve as a future testimony of a Father, a Mother, and their undying love for a little girl named Lydia.
Our daughter, Lydia Dianne McDonald, was diagnosed with a terminal condition called Anencephaly. It plainly means she an unfinished scull and her brain damaged, making her not able to live outside the womb. These are my letters to my daughter and how I would try to explain this to her and my own soul. This is my letters to God and my daughter.