7 Mistakes Christian Leaders Are Making That Drive Young Women Away (And How to Fix Them)

Something's happening in churches across America that should concern every Christian leader. Young women are walking out the door, not just switching churches, but leaving faith communities entirely. For the first time in history, we're seeing a demographic that traditionally formed the backbone of church attendance choosing to step away from organized religion.

This isn't about being "woke" or following cultural trends. These are women who grew up in the church, who once felt called to ministry, who genuinely want to follow Christ. But they're finding that the very institutions meant to nurture their faith are pushing them away through subtle, and sometimes not-so-subtle, mistakes in leadership approach.

The good news? These mistakes are absolutely fixable. But first, we need the courage to acknowledge them.

Mistake #1: Misusing Authority Without Accountability

Here's where things get uncomfortable. Too many Christian leaders have twisted complementarian theology into a shield for poor behavior and unaccountable leadership. When scandal after scandal emerges involving male leaders who claim their authority is God-given and therefore unquestionable, it creates a toxic environment where women's concerns are dismissed as "rebellion" or "feminism."

The Fix: True biblical authority always includes accountability. Create transparent processes for addressing misconduct. Listen: really listen: when women report problems instead of immediately defending leadership. Authority that can't be questioned isn't biblical authority; it's authoritarianism.

Mistake #2: Weaponizing Purity Culture Against Women

Purity culture was meant to honor God with our bodies, but it's morphed into something that shames women for having normal human sexuality while placing impossible expectations on them. Single women report feeling caught in contradictory messages: be pure but also pursue marriage, be modest but also attractive, have desires but never express them.

The Fix: Develop a theology of sexuality that celebrates how God made women as whole human beings. Create safe spaces for honest conversations about relationships, singleness, and sexuality without shame. Recognize that a woman's worth isn't tied to her marital status or sexual history.

Mistake #3: Sidelining Women from Leadership Opportunities

When women consistently see that their gifts are welcome everywhere except leadership positions, they get the message loud and clear: you're good enough to volunteer, organize, and support, but not good enough to lead. This sends talented, called women looking for communities that actually value their contributions.

The Fix: Honestly examine your theological positions on women in leadership. Look for ways to expand opportunities for women to use their gifts meaningfully. Even if your church maintains certain restrictions on senior pastoral roles, there are countless other leadership opportunities where women can flourish.

Mistake #4: Protecting Reputation Over People

Nothing drives young women away faster than watching leadership prioritize the church's image over protecting victims of abuse or misconduct. When problems are swept under the rug or minimized to "protect the ministry," it creates an environment where women don't feel safe or valued.

The Fix: Establish clear processes that prioritize victim care and safety over reputation management. Be transparent about how problems are being addressed. Remember that protecting people is more important than protecting programs or public image.

Mistake #5: Treating People Like Program Resources

Young women today can spot transactional relationships from a mile away. When they feel like they're valued more for what they can do than who they are, they'll find communities that see them as whole people. This happens when leadership focuses more on filling volunteer slots than developing individuals.

The Fix: Shift from a program-centered to a people-centered approach. Invest in relationships before asking for service. Measure success by transformation and growth, not just attendance and participation. Make sure every interaction communicates value for the person, not just their potential contribution.

Mistake #6: Avoiding Difficult Conversations

Conflict avoidance in the name of "keeping peace" actually enables dysfunction. When leaders refuse to address toxic behavior, gossip, or exclusion because they don't want to "cause division," they create environments where certain people: often women and minorities: bear the brunt of unhealthy dynamics.

The Fix: Embrace healthy conflict resolution as a leadership skill. Address problems quickly and gracefully before they fester. Create systems for people to voice concerns safely. Remember that temporary discomfort from addressing issues is better than long-term dysfunction from avoiding them.

Mistake #7: Leading in an Echo Chamber

When leadership teams lack diversity in age, gender, and perspective, they develop blind spots about how their decisions impact different groups. Male leaders making decisions about women's ministries without meaningful female input is a recipe for disconnection.

The Fix: Actively seek diverse perspectives, especially from women and younger generations. Build advisory relationships across different demographics. Stay teachable regardless of your experience level. When women's voices are genuinely valued in decision-making, policies become more responsive to their actual needs.

Why This Matters More Than Ever

These mistakes aren't just about keeping women in church seats: they're about creating communities where everyone can flourish in their God-given calling. As Layne McDonald often says in his leadership coaching, "True leadership creates space for others to lead, not just follow."

Young women today have options. They can find community, purpose, and even spiritual growth in many places. If the church wants to remain relevant and effective, it must become a place where women feel genuinely valued, heard, and empowered to use their gifts.

The patterns driving women away often stem from prioritizing institutional preservation over authentic relationships. When leaders commit to addressing these issues: through listening, accountability, and inclusive community-building: they create environments where young women don't just stay, but thrive.

Here's the truth: These fixes require more than surface-level changes. They demand a fundamental shift in how we think about leadership, authority, and community. But the payoff is worth it: churches that get this right become magnetic communities that attract and retain people across generations and demographics.

Ready to Transform Your Leadership Approach?

Recognizing these mistakes is just the first step. The real work happens when you commit to changing how you lead and creating environments where everyone: including young women: can flourish in their faith and calling.

If you're a Christian leader ready to address these blind spots and develop more inclusive, effective leadership skills, I'd love to help. My coaching program specifically focuses on helping leaders build authentic communities where everyone feels valued and empowered to serve God with their unique gifts.

Book a coaching consultation today and let's work together to create the kind of leadership that draws people closer to Christ, not drives them away.

The future of the church depends on leaders who are willing to grow, change, and create space for others to flourish. Are you ready to be one of them?

#laynemcdonald