7 Mistakes Church Leaders Make with Emotional Health (and How to Fix Them Before Burnout Hits)

You know that feeling when your chest gets tight before Sunday service, or when you snap at your spouse over something small, or when you can't remember the last time you actually felt... anything?

Yeah, that's not just stress. That's your soul waving a white flag.

After years of coaching pastors and ministry leaders, I've watched some of the most gifted, called, anointed people crash and burn, not because they lacked faith, but because they ignored the warning signs their hearts and bodies were screaming. Burnout doesn't announce itself with a trumpet blast. It whispers first. And most of us are too busy to listen.

Here are the seven mistakes I see church leaders make over and over again with their emotional health, and more importantly, how to fix them before you hit the wall.

Mistake #1: Treating Physical Symptoms Like Spiritual Warfare

Your stomach is in knots every Monday morning. You get tension headaches before leadership meetings. You're exhausted even after sleeping eight hours. And what do you do? You rebuke it, pray harder, and push through.

But here's the thing: your body isn't lying to you. Those physical symptoms are emotional messages you're ignoring.

The Fix: Schedule one hour each week, put it on your calendar like you would a counseling appointment, for honest self-assessment. Grab a journal. Ask yourself: What made me afraid this week? What made me sad? What made me angry? And here's the kicker, don't edit yourself. Don't spiritualize it away with "but God is in control" statements. Just be honest. Raw. Real.

Then, take those unfiltered feelings straight to Jesus. He can handle your honesty. He already knows anyway.

Mistake #2: Running on an Empty Tank Because You Think Jesus Will Fill It Later

"Better to burn out than rust out," right? Wrong. That's not biblical, that's just bad leadership theology dressed up in holy language.

When your doing for God outpaces your being with God, you're running a race He never asked you to run. You say yes to every speaking invitation, every volunteer opportunity, every "quick favor" because you're terrified of disappointing people. But you're not terrified enough of disappointing your own family or losing your own soul.

The Fix: Before you commit to anything new, anything, sit in silence for 24 hours. Not because God can't speak fast, but because you need time to hear Him over your own performance anxiety.

Make your relationship with Jesus your top leadership priority. Not your sermon series. Not your building campaign. Him.

Mistake #3: Treating Sabbath Like a Suggestion

You know you need rest. You preach about it. You just don't practice it.

Instead, you take "lighter work days" where you answer emails in your sweatpants and call it rest. You prep next week's sermon while watching Netflix with your spouse. You scroll social media on your day off and call it downtime.

That's not Sabbath. That's just slower hustle.

The Fix: Block out a full 24-hour period every single week, no email, no sermon prep, no crisis management unless someone is literally dying. Play with your kids. Read a novel just for fun. Watch the sunset without posting it to Instagram. Delight in God's gifts without monetizing them.

Your church will not fall apart. In fact, it'll thrive because you'll return with life instead of leading from depletion.

Mistake #4: Wearing Guilt Like a Ministry Badge

Unresolved guilt is poison. It starts as conviction, which is healthy, but then morphs into shame. And shame makes you hide from the very God who wants to heal you.

You feel guilty for not visiting every hospital bed. For missing your kid's game because of a church emergency. For having needs. For being human.

The Fix: Confession is freedom, not weakness. Name the guilt specifically. Tell God about it. Share it with a trusted mentor or counselor. And then, this is crucial, believe you're forgiven. Not because you earned it or did enough penance, but because Jesus already paid for it.

Stop carrying what Christ already carried to the cross.

Mistake #5: Stuffing Your Anger Until It Explodes

"Good Christians don't get angry." Who told you that? Because Jesus flipped tables in the temple, so clearly anger isn't the problem. What you do with it is.

You suppress your frustration when someone criticizes your preaching. You smile through passive-aggressive comments about your leadership. You pretend everything is fine until one day you snap at your spouse over dishes or make a dramatic exit from ministry.

The Fix: Anger is an emotion, not a sin. Stop pretending you're not mad. Process it honestly. Talk to a counselor. Journal. Go for a run and yell at the trees if you need to.

Just stop pretending everything is fine when it's not.

Mistake #6: Leading Without Boundaries

You give your personal cell number to everyone. You respond to texts at midnight. You let people "drop by" your house unannounced. You cancel family time for non-emergencies because someone "really needs you."

No boundaries isn't holy. It's unhealthy.

The Fix: Set clear, kind boundaries and communicate them. Office hours exist for a reason. "I'll get back to you tomorrow" is a complete sentence. Your family needs you present more than your congregation needs you perfect.

Jesus withdrew from the crowds to pray. You're allowed to do the same.

Mistake #7: Leading from Isolation

You either refuse to share your struggles because "I'm the pastor, I'm supposed to have it all together," or you overshare with everyone, treating social media like a therapy session.

Both extremes are lonely. And lonely leaders make dangerous decisions.

The Fix: Build a small circle of trusted people who know the real you. Not your entire congregation. Not your 3,000 Facebook friends. A handful of people who've proven they can hold your story with care and pray for you without judgment.

You weren't designed to lead alone. Even Jesus had twelve. Even within that, He had three. Find your three.

Need prayers? Text us day or night at 1-901-213-7341.

Breath Section: Pause Right Here

Before you scroll past this to your next task, take sixty seconds. Right now.

Close your eyes. Take three deep breaths. Ask yourself: Which of these seven mistakes am I making right now?

Don't answer with what you should say. Answer with what's actually true.

God isn't disappointed in you for being human. He made you human. He knows you need rest, boundaries, honesty, and help. He's not waiting for you to get it all together before He loves you. He loves you now, in the mess, in the exhaustion, in the doubt.

You're allowed to be tired. You're allowed to need help. You're allowed to say no. You're allowed to be emotionally healthy.

Reflection Question

If Jesus sat across from you right now and asked, "What are you most afraid will happen if you slow down?": what would you say?

Action Step

Pick ONE mistake from this list. Just one. Schedule time this week to address it. Not someday. This week. Put it on your calendar. Tell someone you're doing it. Take one step toward health instead of just reading about it.

Your ministry will outlast you if you burn out. But it will thrive if you learn to lead from a place of emotional health.

Looking for more practical leadership wisdom and faith-based coaching? Head over to www.laynemcdonald.com for resources, coaching, and music that'll help you lead from a healthy place. And if you're looking for a spiritual home where you can connect, grow, and be grounded: join us at www.boundlessonlinechurch.org. You don't have to do this alone.