7 Mistakes You're Making with Guarding Your Heart (and How to Fix Them)

Proverbs 4:23 tells us, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." It's one of those verses we've all heard a hundred times: maybe on a coffee mug or a throw pillow at your grandmother's house. But here's the thing: most of us are getting it completely wrong.

Guarding your heart doesn't mean building a fortress around your emotions and keeping everyone out. It means protecting the source of your life: your emotions, desires, decisions, and faith: while remaining open to the blessings God has for you. That's a completely different ballgame.

Whether you're navigating Christian dating, building friendships, or simply trying to grow in your faith, these seven common mistakes might be sabotaging your efforts. The good news? Every single one of them has a fix.

Mistake #1: Going Too Deep Emotionally Too Fast

You've known each other for two weeks, and suddenly you're sharing your deepest wounds, childhood trauma, and five-year life plan over coffee. Sound familiar?

Here's the problem: you're creating vulnerability before trust has been established. You're essentially handing someone the keys to your heart before they've proven they know how to drive.

The Fix: Think of emotional sharing like compound interest. Small, consistent deposits of openness over time create something stable and beautiful. Share gradually. Let trust build through consistent actions: not just words. When someone shows you who they are repeatedly, then you can open up more.

Biblical example? Think about how Jesus developed His relationship with the disciples. He didn't dump every revelation on them day one. He walked with them, taught them progressively, and revealed deeper truths as they were ready to receive them.

Mistake #2: Praying Together Too Early in Dating

This one might surprise you. Isn't prayer always a good thing?

Prayer is powerful: and that's exactly why timing matters. Praying together creates deep spiritual bonding that can establish a false sense of closeness before your commitment level supports it. You end up feeling spiritually connected to someone you barely know, which makes it harder to evaluate the relationship objectively.

The Fix: Develop your individual relationship with God first and foremost. Pray for the person you're dating privately. Save shared spiritual intimacy for when your commitment has grown to match that vulnerability level.

This isn't about being legalistic. It's about being wise. You wouldn't share a bank account with someone you've dated for a month, right? Your spiritual intimacy deserves the same protection.

Mistake #3: Thinking "Guard Your Heart" Means "Don't Feel Anything"

This is probably the biggest misconception out there. Too many people interpret this verse as permission to shut down emotionally, build walls, and keep everyone at arm's length.

But God gave you desires for connection, love, and relationship. These aren't weaknesses to suppress: they're gifts to steward.

The Fix: Stay alert to what influences your heart without cutting off all emotional access. Ask God for discernment about who to trust, when to share, and how to move forward. The goal isn't to feel nothing; it's to feel wisely.

David was a man after God's own heart, and he felt everything: joy, sorrow, anger, love, fear. He didn't suppress his emotions; he brought them to God. That's the model we should follow.

Mistake #4: Discussing Commitment Before It Exists

Three weeks into dating and you're already talking about what your kids will be named? Pump the brakes.

When you discuss forever before you've built anything worth committing to, you create emotional investment in a future that doesn't exist yet. This sets you up for massive disappointment and heartbreak.

The Fix: Stay present. Enjoy getting to know someone without fast-forwarding to the ending. Commitment conversations should come after you've actually built something worth committing to: not before.

Ruth didn't show up at Boaz's threshing floor on day one asking about marriage. She demonstrated character, worked faithfully, and let the relationship develop at the right pace. There's wisdom in that approach.

Mistake #5: Expecting Movie-Perfect Relationships

Hollywood has done a number on our expectations. We expect partners who read minds, conflicts that resolve in three minutes, and chemistry that never fades. Spoiler alert: that's fiction.

Real relationships require work, communication, forgiveness, and grace. Your partner is human, flawed, and growing: just like you.

The Fix: Release fictional standards. Embrace the reality that healthy relationships involve hard conversations, misunderstandings, and moments where you choose to love even when you don't feel like it.

Look at any biblical marriage: Abraham and Sarah, Jacob and Rachel, even Mary and Joseph. None of them had it easy. But they walked through challenges together with faith. That's what real love looks like.

Mistake #6: Not Valuing Yourself

Some people guard their hearts poorly because they don't believe their hearts are worth protecting. This leads to:

• Tolerating disrespect

• Ignoring red flags

• Letting physical desires dictate decisions

• Settling for less than God's best

The Fix: Remind yourself of your value. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). You are worth the blood of Christ. That's not just church talk: that's your identity.

Wait for someone who treats you as you deserve. Entrust your desires to God and trust that better exists. You don't have to settle for crumbs when God has a feast prepared for you.

If you're struggling to see your own worth, this is something we work through all the time at Layne McDonald Ministries. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to help you see what God sees in you.

Mistake #7: Letting Emotional Intimacy Outpace Commitment

Here's a principle that will save you a lot of heartache: your emotional relationship should grow proportionally to your level of commitment.

When emotional bonding happens too quickly in a relationship that may never lead to marriage, the pain of separation becomes unnecessarily severe. You end up feeling like you're going through a divorce when you were only dating for a few months.

The Fix: Build trust gradually. Give a little at a time. Lay foundations first before building the house. Be real and genuine, but anchor yourself with boundaries and wisdom.

Think about it like construction. You wouldn't put up walls before you've poured the foundation. The same principle applies to relationships. The deeper elements should come after you've established the basics.

Moving Forward with Wisdom

Guarding your heart isn't about isolation: it's about stewardship. God has given you a heart capable of deep love, meaningful connection, and powerful faith. Your job is to protect it while remaining open to His best for your life.

If you recognized yourself in any of these mistakes, don't beat yourself up. Awareness is the first step toward change. The fact that you're reading this article shows you're serious about Christian self-betterment and growing in wisdom.

Here's what I want you to remember: you don't have to figure this out alone. Whether you're navigating Christian dating, recovering from past relationship wounds, or simply trying to grow in emotional health, support is available.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

At Layne McDonald Ministries, we specialize in helping people just like you develop healthy boundaries, build meaningful relationships, and grow in faith-based leadership of their own lives.

Here's what you can do right now:

• Reach out for a conversation. Sometimes you just need someone to talk through where you are and where you want to be. Our team is here to listen.

• Check out our resources. Dr. Layne McDonald has written extensively on topics like healing, forgiveness, and Christian leadership that can support your journey.

• Don't wait. The best time to start guarding your heart wisely was yesterday. The second-best time is today.

Visit famemphis.org or give us a call. Your heart is worth protecting; and you're worth the investment.