Eye Contact: The First Step in Making Someone Feel Seen

By Dr. Layne McDonald

You've probably walked into a room where everyone seemed busy, distracted, or looking down at their phones. Then someone looked up, caught your eye, and smiled. That moment changed everything, didn't it?

That's the power of eye contact. It's not just polite, it's transformational. For those of us serving in greeter teams, hospitality ministries, or any role where first impressions matter, understanding this simple truth can reshape how we welcome people into the family of God.

The Science Behind Being Seen

Recent research confirms what our hearts already know: eye contact serves as a fundamental acknowledgment of another person's existence and presence. When you make eye contact with someone, you're doing more than seeing them physically. You're communicating that they have your full attention and that you value them.

At the neurological level, eye contact functions as a powerful visual cue for building social links between people. It directly activates the mechanisms through which humans form and maintain connections. Studies show that eye contact enhances emotional understanding between people while they converse, and human beings gain acknowledgment of their existence through this form of engagement.

Think about that for a moment. When you look someone in the eye, you're not just being friendly. You're triggering neural pathways that create connection, build trust, and communicate worth.

What Eye Contact Communicates

Eye contact is a non-verbal megaphone. It broadcasts several messages simultaneously:

• I see you. Not just your physical presence, but you as a person with thoughts, feelings, and inherent worth.

• You matter. In a world where people feel invisible, eye contact says, "You're important enough for my full attention."

• I'm present. You're not multitasking or distracted. You're fully here, fully engaged.

• You're safe. Warm eye contact creates an atmosphere of trust and openness.

• I'm confident. Eye contact demonstrates that you're comfortable in your role and secure in who you are in Christ.

When someone maintains eye contact with us, we tend to perceive them as more trustworthy, confident, and connected. This strengthens the emotional bond between both parties and opens the door for genuine relationship.

Eye Contact in Scripture

The Bible is full of moments where God sees people, truly sees them, and it changes everything.

Hagar, alone in the wilderness and feeling invisible, encountered God. She called Him "the God who sees me" (Genesis 16:13). That moment of being seen transformed her despair into hope.

Jesus consistently made eye contact with people others ignored. He looked at the woman caught in adultery with compassion, not condemnation. He saw Zacchaeus up in that tree when everyone else looked past him. He made eye contact with Peter across the courtyard after Peter's denial, and that look carried both truth and grace.

God doesn't just glance in our general direction. He sees us. Fully. Completely. With love that transforms.

When we serve as greeters and hospitality ministers, we're extending this same gift to others. We're saying with our eyes what God says with His heart: "I see you, and you belong here."

First Impressions Start With Eye Contact

Here's what most greeter training misses: first impressions aren't formed by what you say. They're formed in the first three seconds, before words even happen.

Someone walks through your church doors. They're nervous, uncertain, maybe hurting. They're scanning the room, looking for a signal that this place is safe and welcoming. Your eye contact, or lack of it, sends that signal.

If you're looking down at a bulletin, chatting with another volunteer, or checking your phone, you've already communicated something: "You're not my priority right now."

But if you look up, make eye contact, and smile? Everything changes. You've just told them, "I've been waiting for you. You matter here."

That's not an exaggeration. Research confirms that eye contact establishes the foundation for meaningful interaction. It demonstrates sincerity, opens pathways for clearer communication, and reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings by ensuring both parties feel acknowledged and engaged.

Practical Eye Contact for Greeter Teams

Let's get practical. How do you master the art of eye contact in a greeting ministry?

Start before they reach you. Don't wait until someone is standing right in front of you. Scan the entrance. Make eye contact across the room. Let them know you've noticed them before they even get to the greeting table.

Hold it for 2-3 seconds. Brief eye contact can feel dismissive. Holding someone's gaze for 2-3 seconds (with a warm smile) communicates genuine interest without becoming uncomfortable.

Make it warm, not intense. There's a difference between welcoming eye contact and a stare-down. Soften your eyes. Let your face communicate warmth and safety.

Remember: Eyes smile too. Your mouth might be smiling, but if your eyes are flat or distracted, people notice. Let joy reach all the way to your eyes.

Acknowledge everyone. In families or groups, make eye contact with each person individually. Don't just focus on the adult who seems most confident. Look at the shy teenager, the restless kid, the quiet spouse. See them all.

Use eye contact during conversation. Don't just make initial eye contact and then look away. Maintain appropriate eye contact throughout your interaction. It shows you're truly listening.

When Eye Contact Is Challenging

Some of us find eye contact difficult. Maybe you're naturally shy. Maybe you're neurodivergent and direct eye contact feels overwhelming. Maybe you come from a culture where prolonged eye contact is considered rude.

Here's the good news: You can still make people feel seen.

If direct eye contact is hard, try looking at the bridge of someone's nose or their eyebrows. From their perspective, it reads as eye contact. Focus on being present and engaged, even if your gaze is slightly adjusted.

Remember, the goal isn't perfect technique. The goal is communicating value and welcome. God can use your genuine desire to serve, even if eye contact doesn't come naturally.

The Breath Section

Pause right here. Take a slow, deep breath.

Think about the last time someone really looked at you, truly saw you. How did that feel? What did it communicate to your heart?

Now think about the people who will walk through your church doors this week. They're carrying stories you don't know. Burdens you can't see. Hope they're barely holding onto.

Your eye contact might be the first thing that tells them, "You're not invisible. You matter. God sees you, and so do we."

Breathe in that responsibility. Breathe out any anxiety about getting it perfect.

You're not just greeting visitors. You're extending the love of Christ, one moment of genuine eye contact at a time.

Moving Forward: Eyes That See

The beautiful thing about eye contact is that it costs you nothing and changes everything. You don't need special training, expensive equipment, or a graduate degree. You just need to be present, intentional, and willing to truly see the people God brings across your path.

This Sunday, before you step into your greeter role, pray a simple prayer: "God, help me see people the way You see them. Help me communicate worth and welcome with my eyes before I ever speak a word."

Then watch what happens. Watch how a simple moment of eye contact can soften a defensive posture, calm an anxious spirit, or open a closed heart.

Because when someone feels truly seen: when they experience that moment of human connection and divine acknowledgment: they're one step closer to encountering the God who has been seeing them all along.

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Reflection Question: When was the last time you felt truly seen by another person? How did that experience impact you, and how can you offer that same gift to others this week?

Small Action Step: This week, practice intentional eye contact with three people you might normally overlook: the checkout clerk, the janitor, the quiet person in your small group. Notice how this simple shift affects both them and you.

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Ready to grow deeper in your ministry skills and leadership calling? Visit www.laynemcdonald.com for coaching, mentoring resources, and practical tools for life and ministry. Every visit helps raise funds for families who have lost children through Google AdSense at no cost to you. Looking for a spiritual home where you can stay grounded? Check out Boundless Online Church: a private online community where you can watch teachings and join family groups, with or without signup.