Stop Wasting Time on Surface-Level Dating: 7 Biblical Hacks for Finding Your Person

You know that friend who's constantly swiping through dating apps like they're scrolling through Christmas catalogs, hoping the perfect person will just magically appear? Or maybe that's you, bouncing from one surface-level connection to another, wondering why every relationship feels more like a seasonal decoration than something built to last.

Here's the thing: dating doesn't have to feel like you're throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping something sticks. God has some pretty solid wisdom about relationships, and spoiler alert, His approach actually works.

Whether you're 22 and figuring it out or 35 and wondering where all the good ones went, these seven biblical principles will save you from wasting another year on relationships that were never going anywhere anyway.

1. Date Like You Mean It (Intentionality Over "Seeing Where Things Go")

Remember when Mary said "yes" to God's plan? She didn't say, "Let me see where this goes." She was all in from the start.

Biblical dating starts with knowing what you're actually looking for instead of just chasing that butterfly-in-your-stomach feeling. Sure, chemistry matters, but it's not the foundation of a lasting relationship.

Before you even think about dating someone, ask yourself: Are they emotionally and spiritually mature enough for marriage? Do they have their life together enough to actually support a family someday? Most importantly, do they have a real, growing relationship with Jesus: not just a "I went to church once" relationship?

This one filter alone will save you from months of "getting to know" someone who was never marriage material to begin with.

2. The Non-Negotiable: Date Only Believers

This isn't about being exclusive or judgmental: it's about reality. The Bible is pretty clear about not being "unequally yoked" (2 Corinthians 6:14), and there's good reason for that.

When you date someone who doesn't share your deepest values and life purpose, you're basically signing up for a lifetime of fundamental disagreements about the most important stuff. How will you raise kids? How will you handle money? What does love even look like?

But here's the kicker: they can't just say they're a Christian. They need to actually live like one. Look for someone who's actively pursuing Christ, not just someone who checks the "Christian" box on their profile.

3. Put God First (Before Your Feelings Get Too Involved)

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength" (Mark 12:30). This isn't just a nice Sunday school verse: it's dating advice.

You can't truly love anyone else if you don't love God first and most. When both people in a relationship prioritize God above the relationship itself, everything else falls into place.

This means making dating decisions through prayer, not just feelings. It means asking, "Does this relationship help me become more like Christ?" instead of just "Do they make me happy?"

4. Get Some Backup (Accountability Isn't Just for Budgets)

Dating in isolation is like trying to cut your own hair: technically possible, but probably not going to end well.

Invite trusted people into your relationship from the beginning. Church leaders, mature Christian friends, family members who actually know you well. These people can see red flags you're blind to and celebrate green flags you might not even notice.

The goal isn't to date by committee, but to have wise voices speaking into one of the most important decisions of your life. Plus, if someone gets weird about meeting your people, that's information you needed anyway.

5. Character Over Chemistry (The Stuff That Actually Matters)

Chemistry fades. Character doesn't.

Instead of asking "Do I have butterflies around them?" ask "Do they treat the waiter well? How do they handle stress? Do they keep their word? Are they kind to people who can't do anything for them?"

Look for someone who honors you as an image-bearer of God, not just someone who gives you the warm fuzzies. The person you marry will see you at your absolute worst: you want someone with the character to love you through it.

6. Keep Your Hands to Yourself (Boundaries Are Your Friend)

This one's awkward but necessary. The Bible reserves sexual activity for marriage, and that includes all the fun stuff that leads up to it.

Physical boundaries aren't about being a prude: they're about protecting both your hearts and honoring God's design. When you remove the physical component, you're forced to actually get to know each other on a deeper level.

Plus, if someone can't respect your boundaries before marriage, what makes you think they'll respect them after?

7. Don't Make Dating Your Everything

Here's some Christmas wisdom: even the most beautiful ornament looks ridiculous if it's the only thing on the tree.

Your relationship with God, your community, your calling: these things should be thriving whether you're single or dating. When you make finding "the one" your ultimate goal, you become desperate and compromising.

Stay grounded in your faith community, keep developing your gifts, and trust that God's timing is better than your timeline. Desperate energy is not attractive energy.

Three Christmas Season Tips for Families

Since we're in the thick of Christmas season, here are some practical ways families can support the singles in their lives:

Stop the Holiday Interrogation: "When are you going to find someone?" isn't helpful. Try "How can we pray for you this season?" instead.

Include Without Pressure: Invite your single family members to Christmas events without trying to set them up with your neighbor's cousin. Let them just enjoy being part of the family.

Model Healthy Relationships: Your marriage is one of the best gifts you can give the singles in your life. Show them what a Christ-centered relationship actually looks like.

The Bottom Line

Surface-level dating is exhausting because it's not how God designed relationships to work. When you commit to these biblical principles, dating becomes less about endless searching and more about faithful stewardship of your heart.

You might go on fewer dates, but the ones you do go on will actually matter. You might wait longer, but you'll waste less time. You might feel pickier, but you'll actually be wiser.

God has someone for you, but His timeline and methods are probably different from what you expected. Trust the process, follow His principles, and watch Him work.

Ready to stop wasting time on surface-level connections and start building something real? I'd love to help you navigate this season of life with biblical wisdom and practical guidance. Connect with me at laynemcdonald.com for personal mentoring and resources, or reach out as your online pastor at famemphis.org/connect. Your future spouse is worth the wait; and so are you.