7 Mistakes You're Making with Guarding Your Heart (and How to Fix Them)

You've heard the verse a thousand times. Proverbs 4:23 tells us, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Sunday school drilled it into your brain. Your youth pastor probably quoted it during every dating talk you ever sat through.

But here's the thing: most of us have been doing it wrong.

We've turned "guarding your heart" into building emotional bunkers, shutting people out, or pretending we don't have feelings at all. That's not what God intended. Guarding your heart means protecting the source of your life: your emotions, desires, decisions, and faith: while still remaining open to the blessings God wants to bring your way.

Whether you're navigating Christian dating, working on personal growth, or leading a team at work, understanding how to properly guard your heart changes everything. So let's break down the seven biggest mistakes you're probably making: and exactly how to fix them.

Mistake #1: Going Too Deep Emotionally Too Fast

This one gets the best of us. You meet someone who seems amazing. They love Jesus, they make you laugh, and suddenly you're sharing your deepest wounds, childhood trauma, and future dreams: all within the first few weeks.

Emotional intimacy should match your level of commitment. When you flood the gates with vulnerability before trust has been established, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak. You're handing someone the keys to your heart before they've proven they'll handle it with care.

The Fix: Share vulnerabilities gradually. Build trust through consistent actions over time. Think of it like compound interest: small deposits of openness, made consistently, create something beautiful and stable.

King David had Jonathan, but that friendship was forged through shared experiences, loyalty, and time. It wasn't instant. Real connection never is.

Mistake #2: Praying Together Too Early in Dating

Wait: isn't prayer a good thing?

Absolutely. But praying together creates deep spiritual bonding. When you kneel before God with someone, you're engaging in one of the most intimate acts two people can share. Doing this too early in a dating relationship can create a false sense of closeness that your actual commitment level doesn't support.

The Fix: Develop your individual relationship with God first. Pray FOR the person you're dating on your own time. Save shared spiritual intimacy for when your commitment has grown to match that level of vulnerability.

Mistake #3: Thinking "Guard Your Heart" Means "Don't Feel Anything"

This might be the most damaging misconception out there.

Some people read Proverbs 4:23 and think, "Got it. Shut down all emotions. Build walls. Trust no one." But that's not guarding: that's hiding. God gave you desires for connection, love, and relationship. Those aren't weaknesses to suppress; they're gifts to steward.

The Fix: Embrace your God-given desires while committing them to Christ. You can acknowledge that you want marriage, friendship, or deeper community without letting those desires control your decisions. Feel your feelings: then bring them to God and let Him guide your steps.

Mistake #4: Discussing Commitment Before It Exists

You've been dating for three weeks, and you're already naming your future kids and planning the wedding venue. Sound familiar?

Talking about forever before you've even gotten through the first season of your relationship creates emotional investment in a future that doesn't exist yet. You end up grieving a vision that was never real if things don't work out.

The Fix: Stay present. Enjoy getting to know someone without fast-forwarding to the ending. Commitment conversations should come after you've actually built something worth committing to.

Think about Boaz and Ruth. Boaz noticed Ruth, respected her, provided for her, and protected her reputation: all before any marriage conversations happened. He let the relationship unfold in God's timing.

Mistake #5: Expecting Movie-Perfect Relationships

Hollywood has done a number on our expectations.

We grow up watching romantic comedies where the guy makes some grand gesture, the music swells, and everything works out perfectly in 90 minutes. Then we enter real relationships and wonder why our partner doesn't read our minds or why conflict actually exists.

The Fix: Release the fictional standard. Real relationships require work, communication, forgiveness, and grace. The person in front of you is human: flawed, growing, and doing their best. Just like you.

Mistake #6: Not Valuing Yourself

Some people guard their hearts so poorly because deep down, they don't believe their hearts are worth protecting.

You tolerate disrespect because you're afraid of being alone. You ignore red flags because you're scared no one else will come along. You let physical desires or a noncommittal partner dictate your decisions because you've forgotten whose you are.

The Fix: Remind yourself daily of your value in Christ. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). You are chosen, royal, and called out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9). Wait for someone who treats you as the treasure you are: because that's exactly what God sees when He looks at you.

Mistake #7: Building Walls Instead of Boundaries

There's a critical difference between walls and boundaries.

Walls shut everyone out. They're built from fear, past hurt, and self-protection at all costs. Nothing gets in: including the good things God wants to bring into your life.

Boundaries, on the other hand, are intentional filters. They let the right things in while keeping harmful influences out. They're built from wisdom, not fear.

The Fix: Stay alert to what influences your heart without cutting off all emotional access. You can be wise and open at the same time. Ask God for discernment about who to trust, when to share, and how to move forward in relationships: romantic or otherwise.

The Heart of the Matter

Guarding your heart isn't about building an emotional fortress where no one can reach you. It's about protecting the wellspring of your life so that what flows out remains pure, life-giving, and aligned with God's purposes.

Here's what proper heart-guarding looks like:

• Gradual vulnerability that matches your level of trust and commitment

• Healthy boundaries that filter influences without isolating you

• Self-worth rooted in Christ that refuses to settle for less than God's best

• Present-focused relationships that don't fast-forward past necessary seasons

• Realistic expectations that allow room for grace and growth

When you guard your heart well, you position yourself to receive the relationships, opportunities, and blessings God has prepared for you: without the unnecessary heartbreak that comes from poor stewardship.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Maybe you're reading this and realizing you've been making some of these mistakes for years. Maybe past hurt has you building walls you don't know how to tear down. Maybe you're in a relationship right now and you're not sure if you're guarding your heart well or just going through the motions.

You don't have to figure this out alone.

Dr. Layne McDonald has spent decades helping individuals and leaders navigate exactly these kinds of challenges. As a professional coach, pastor, published author, and teacher, Dr. McDonald brings biblical wisdom and practical strategy together to help you move forward with confidence.

Visit Layne McDonald Ministries today to explore our call and chat services. Whether you need guidance for your personal goals, your relationships, or your company culture, we're here to walk alongside you.

Your heart is worth protecting. And your future is worth investing in.

Call or chat with us today: because guarding your heart well is the first step toward the life God designed you to live.