The Mentorship Crisis: 5 Steps to Find a Godly Mentor Who Actually Cares About Your Growth

Picture this: You're at your family Christmas dinner, surrounded by relatives who've "made it" in life. Uncle Jim just bought his third investment property. Cousin Sarah launched her successful nonprofit. Your sister somehow manages three kids, a thriving career, and still volunteers at church every week. Meanwhile, you're sitting there wondering how they figured it all out while you're still trying to adult properly.

Sound familiar? You're not alone. We're living through what I call the "mentorship crisis" – a time when young professionals desperately need guidance, but meaningful mentoring relationships are harder to find than a parking spot at the mall on December 23rd.

The good news? Just like the wise men had their star to guide them to Jesus, you can find the godly mentor you need to grow in faith and life. But it takes more than wishful thinking and random LinkedIn messages.

The Real Problem With Modern Mentorship

Here's what nobody tells you about finding a mentor: Most people are doing it completely wrong. They're either too intimidated to ask, or they're approaching it like online dating – swiping through potential mentors hoping for a perfect match.

But biblical mentorship isn't about finding someone who has all the answers. It's about finding someone who's walked the path ahead of you and can help you navigate your own journey with wisdom and grace.

Think about it – Jesus chose twelve disciples who were far from perfect. Peter denied him three times, Thomas doubted, and don't even get me started on Judas. Yet Jesus invested in them because he saw their potential, not their perfection.

Step 1: Start With Prayer (Not LinkedIn)

Before you start scanning your church directory or professional networks, get on your knees. I'm serious about this one. Pray specifically for God to reveal the right person who can help you grow in the areas where you need it most.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." (James 1:5)

This isn't just a nice spiritual platitude – it's practical wisdom. When you start with prayer, you're inviting God into the process from the beginning. He knows which relationships will actually bear fruit and which ones might look good on paper but won't help you grow.

Step 2: Get Clear on What You Actually Need

Here's where most people mess up: They want a mentor who's basically a life coach, career counselor, spiritual director, and therapist rolled into one person. That's not realistic, and it's not biblical either.

Instead, identify your top 1-2 growth areas. Are you struggling with leadership? Need guidance on marriage and family? Want to grow deeper in your faith? Looking for business wisdom?

Be specific. "I need help with life" is not a mentoring request – it's a therapy session waiting to happen.

Step 3: Look for Character, Not Just Success

This is crucial, especially during Christmas season when we're bombarded with messages about achievement and having it all together. The right mentor isn't necessarily the person with the biggest house, most impressive title, or perfect Instagram feed.

Look for someone whose character you admire. Someone who:

• Lives out their faith authentically, even when no one's watching

• Handles conflict and stress with grace

• Shows genuine love for God and others

• Is honest about their own struggles and failures

• Makes decisions based on biblical principles, not just personal gain

Remember, "The function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers." You want someone who will help you become the person God designed you to be, not a carbon copy of themselves.

Step 4: Build the Relationship Before Making the Ask

This might be the most important step, and it's where patience pays off. Don't approach someone cold and ask them to mentor you. That's like proposing on the first date.

Instead, start building a genuine relationship:

• Engage with them after church services

• Ask thoughtful questions about their experiences

• Invite them for coffee (not to ask for mentoring, just to connect)

• Show genuine interest in their life and family

• Look for ways to serve or help them

Think of it as friendship first, mentorship second. Some of the best mentoring relationships develop organically when mutual respect and trust are already established.

Step 5: Make the Ask (But Do It Right)

When you're ready to have "the conversation," be respectful of their time and clear about your expectations. Here's a framework that works:

"I've really appreciated getting to know you over the past few months. I've noticed how you [specific example of their character/wisdom]. I'm currently working on [specific growth area], and I'd love to learn from your experience. Would you be open to meeting monthly for coffee to share some of your insights?"

Notice what this does:

• Shows you've been observing and thinking about this

• Gives specific reasons why you chose them

• Clarifies what you're asking for

• Respects their time with a reasonable commitment

Three Practical Tips for Families Seeking Mentorship

Since we're in the Christmas season and many of you are thinking about family goals for the new year, here are three ways families can approach mentorship together:

1. Find Couple Mentors as a Team

If you're married, look for a couple who's been where you want to go. Maybe they've raised godly kids, built a strong marriage, or navigated career challenges while keeping their faith central. Having mentors as a couple gives you both perspectives and helps you grow together.

2. Create "Mentor Moments" During Family Time

Use car rides, dinner conversations, and bedtime stories to talk about people you admire and why. Help your kids identify character traits they want to develop and people in your community who model those traits well.

3. Be Mentors to Others

One of the best ways to learn is to teach. Find younger families or individuals you can invest in. Your kids will learn by watching you pour into others, and you'll discover that you have more wisdom than you realized.

The Christmas Connection

Here's something beautiful about the Christmas story that we often miss: Jesus had mentors too. Joseph taught him carpentry. The teachers in the temple engaged with his questions. Even as an adult, he withdrew regularly to pray and commune with his Father.

If the Son of God valued guidance and wisdom from others, how much more do we need it?

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." (Proverbs 27:17)

This Christmas season, instead of just asking God for material blessings, consider praying for the gift of godly relationships. The right mentor at the right time can be worth more than any present under the tree.

Your Next Steps

Finding a godly mentor isn't about networking your way to success – it's about stewarding the relationships God brings into your life and being intentional about learning from those who've walked before you.

Start with prayer. Get clear on your needs. Look around your existing communities. Build genuine relationships. And when the time is right, make the ask with humility and respect.

Remember, mentorship is ultimately about becoming more like Christ. Whether you're the mentor or the mentee, the goal is always the same: to grow in wisdom, character, and love.

Ready to take this journey seriously? I'd love to help you develop the leadership skills and relational wisdom that make great mentors – and great mentees. Check out my resources at laynemcdonald.com.

Because here's the truth: The world needs more people who are committed to growing in godliness and helping others do the same. That could be you – both as someone seeking wisdom and someone ready to share it.

The mentorship crisis is real, but so is God's provision. He's got the right people in mind for your journey. You just need to be ready to receive His guidance.