7 Mistakes Christian Leaders Make with Emotional Health (And How to Fix Them)

You're pouring everything into your ministry. You're showing up for your people, preaching hope, counseling the hurting, and leading with vision. But who's checking in on your emotional tank?

Here's the thing most leadership books won't tell you: you can be spiritually mature and emotionally struggling at the same time. These aren't mutually exclusive. Jesus wept. David wrote brutally honest psalms. Paul talked openly about his "thorn in the flesh."

Yet somehow, Christian leaders have adopted this unspoken code that says we're supposed to have it all together all the time. That emotional struggle is a sign of weak faith. That admitting we're drowning means we're disqualified from leading.

That's not biblical. That's pride dressed up in religious language.

After years of coaching pastors, ministry leaders, and church staff, I've watched the same emotional health mistakes play out again and again. The good news? They're fixable. And fixing them doesn't make you less spiritual: it makes you more effective, more authentic, and more available to actually hear God's voice through the noise.

Mistake #1: Ignoring Your Emotions Instead of Acknowledging Them

You know that gnawing feeling in your chest? The one you push down every Sunday morning? That's not going away because you're busy.

Many leaders operate under the false belief that acknowledging emotional pain is the same as being controlled by it. So they ignore it. Suppress it. "Power through" it.

The Fix: Start naming what you feel. Not to a crowd: to God first, then to a trusted friend or counselor. Emotional honesty isn't weakness; it's the first step toward healing. David modeled this beautifully in the Psalms. He didn't hide his anguish from God: he threw it on the table and let God meet him there.

Try this: spend 10 minutes this week journaling. Write down what you're actually feeling, not what you think you should feel. God can handle your honesty.

Mistake #2: Being Ruled by Emotions Instead of Managing Them

Here's the other side of the coin. Some leaders swing too far the other way and make major decisions based purely on how they feel in the moment.

Angry at a board member? Fire off that email. Discouraged about attendance? Consider quitting. Excited about a new idea? Blow the budget.

The Fix: Submit your emotions to biblical truth. Feel them fully, but don't let them drive the car. Create a 24-hour rule for big decisions. Pray. Process. Then decide.

Emotions are valuable information: they're telling you something about what you value, what hurts, what excites you. But they're terrible bosses. Let the Holy Spirit be your guide, and let wisdom have a seat at the table alongside feeling.

Mistake #3: Measuring Your Worth by Ministry Metrics

This one's sneaky. You start checking your worth through attendance numbers, social media engagement, baptism counts, or budget growth.

When the numbers go up, you feel validated. When they plateau or drop, you spiral. Either way, your emotional health is tethered to something completely outside your control.

The Fix: Root your identity in Christ, not in results. God called you to faithfulness, not just fruitfulness. Your worth was settled at the cross: it doesn't fluctuate with your weekend numbers.

Set aside time every month to evaluate your spiritual health separately from your ministry metrics. How's your prayer life? Your marriage? Your joy? Your obedience to what God's specifically asked you to do? That's your real scoreboard.

Mistake #4: Refusing Support and Community

Pride tells you that needing help is a sign you're failing. So you keep your struggles private. You smile through the pain. You convince yourself that if people knew what you were really dealing with, they'd lose respect for you.

That's a lie that will destroy you.

The Fix: Build a circle. Not a crowd: a circle. Two or three people who aren't on your payroll, who love you enough to tell you the truth, and who will hold your burdens without judgment.

This might be a mentor, a counselor, a peer in ministry, or a close friend outside your church. Whoever it is, give them permission to ask you the hard questions. And commit to answering honestly.

Need prayers? Text us day or night at 1-901-213-7341. Sometimes you just need someone to stand in the gap when you can't find the words.

Mistake #5: Maintaining a Fabricated Presentation

You're preaching victory while privately battling anxiety. You're counseling others on peace while your own mind is a war zone. You've perfected the "I'm blessed and highly favored" script while your heart is breaking.

This isn't ministry. It's performance. And it's exhausting.

The Fix: Practice strategic vulnerability. You don't need to air everything from the pulpit, but you do need to stop pretending you're superhuman. Share your struggles appropriately: not for sympathy, but to normalize the reality that leaders are human too.

When you model emotional honesty, you give your people permission to stop faking it too. And that's when real healing starts happening in your community.

Mistake #6: Neglecting Your Heart for Spiritual Performance

You're checking all the boxes. Daily devotions? Check. Weekly sermon prep? Check. Committee meetings? Check.

But when's the last time you sat with God without an agenda? When's the last time you processed your own disappointment, celebrated your own joy, or asked God hard questions about your own life?

The Fix: Protect time for soul care, not just ministry prep. Your relationship with God isn't just fuel for your service: it's the whole point. Schedule weekly time to sit with God about your life, not just about your sermon series or ministry strategy.

Ask yourself: Am I connecting with God, or am I just performing for Him?

Mistake #7: Dismissing Mental Illness as Purely Spiritual

Clinical depression isn't cured by more Bible reading. Anxiety disorders aren't resolved through stronger faith. Trauma doesn't disappear because you prayed about it once.

Some leaders without clinical training make the dangerous mistake of framing all emotional and mental health struggles as purely spiritual issues. This adds shame to people who need actual medical and therapeutic support.

The Fix: Honor the brain God gave you. If you had diabetes, you'd take insulin and pray. Mental health is no different. Therapy isn't a sign of weak faith: it's wisdom. Medication isn't defeat: it's stewardship of your whole person.

Encourage your people to seek professional help when needed. Partner with licensed counselors. Break the stigma by talking openly about the reality that sometimes our brains need support just like any other part of our body.

Breath Section

Pause here. Seriously: stop reading for 30 seconds.

Close your eyes. Take three deep breaths. Picture a watercolor sky at sunset: soft oranges bleeding into gentle purples, colors blending and shifting, not rigid or controlled.

That's what emotional health looks like. Not perfection. Not rigid control. Just honest, flowing, Spirit-led processing of the real human experience.

God isn't afraid of your emotions. He created them. And He's not surprised when leading His people is hard. Jesus literally sweat blood in the garden before the cross. He knows what pressure feels like.

You're not failing. You're just finally getting honest.

Reflection Question

Which of these seven mistakes resonates most with you right now? And what's one small step you could take this week to start addressing it?

Action Step

Before this week ends, do two things:

1. Journal for 15 minutes about your current emotional state: no filter, no performance, just honesty between you and God.

2. Reach out to one trusted person and share one real struggle you've been carrying alone.

That's it. Don't overcomplicate it. Just take one step toward emotional honesty.

Your emotional health isn't a distraction from ministry: it's foundational to it. You can't pour from an empty cup, and you can't lead people to wholeness you haven't pursued yourself.

If you're ready to go deeper into this work, I'd love to walk with you. Head over to www.laynemcdonald.com for coaching resources, articles, and practical tools built specifically for Christian leaders like you. And if you're looking for a spiritual home where you can process, grow, and connect authentically, check out www.boundlessonlinechurch.org: a private online community where you can watch teachings and join family groups on your own terms.

Every visit helps raise funds for families who've lost children through Google AdSense at no cost to you. You grow, they're served. That's kingdom economics.

You weren't called to fake it. You were called to lead with honesty, humility, and the hope that only comes from actually walking with Jesus through the hard stuff.

So take a breath. Name what's real. And let's get healthy together.

( Dr. Layne McDonald)