7 Mistakes Christian Leaders Make with Emotional Health (and How to Fix Them Before Burnout)

You're carrying more than you're telling anyone about.

That weight on your chest when you walk into the building? The tightness in your jaw during leadership meetings? The way you smile through exhaustion and call it "serving well"? Those aren't badges of honor. They're warning lights.

Christian leadership is beautiful and brutal at the same time. You're shepherding people through their hardest seasons while navigating your own. You're holding space for everyone's emotions while wondering if there's room left for yours. And somewhere along the way, many of us make the same emotional mistakes, mistakes that don't just hurt us, but hurt the people we're trying to serve.

The good news? These mistakes are fixable. And fixing them doesn't make you weak, it makes you sustainable.

Mistake #1: Ignoring Your Emotions

The mistake: You stuff down grief, frustration, or disappointment because "leaders don't fall apart." You tell yourself you'll process it later, but later never comes. Those buried emotions don't disappear, they compost into bitterness, cynicism, or sudden outbursts that catch everyone (including you) off guard.

The fix: Name what you're feeling in real time. Not publicly, not dramatically, just honestly. Keep a simple log: "Today I felt _____ because _____." Bring it to God in prayer. Share it with a trusted friend or counselor. Emotions aren't the enemy; ignoring them is.

Mistake #2: Minimizing Your Emotions

The mistake: You downplay your own joy or sorrow because you're afraid of being judged. You celebrate a win quietly because "someone else might be struggling." You grieve a loss silently because "it could've been worse." But minimizing robs you of the very moments that keep your heart soft and connected.

The fix: Hold space for multiple emotions at once. You can grieve a loss and trust God's plan. You can celebrate a breakthrough and acknowledge there's still work to do. Maturity isn't choosing one emotion, it's integrating them with wisdom. Share your full heart with safe people. Let them see your humanity.

Mistake #3: Being Ruled by Your Emotions

The mistake: You make decisions based on how you feel in the moment. Anger becomes a leadership style. Anxiety shapes your strategy. Fear dictates your boundaries. But emotional intelligence doesn't mean letting emotions run the show, it means understanding them, then submitting them to your values and convictions.

The fix: Preach truth to your emotions instead of letting them preach to you. When you feel like quitting, remind yourself why you started. When you feel undervalued, remember whose approval you're working for. Acknowledge the feeling, thank it for showing up, then make the decision based on what's true, not just what's loud.

Mistake #4: Oscillating Between Laziness and Workaholism

The mistake: You swing between doing nothing and doing everything. You rest with guilt or work with resentment. Neither extreme honors God, and both wreck your health. Burnout isn't caused by hard work, it's caused by work without rhythm.

The fix: Build sustainable rhythms, not guilt-driven sprints. Rest isn't earned; it's commanded. Work hard during work hours, then stop. Protect one Sabbath practice weekly, even if it's just an afternoon without emails. Say no to "urgent" things that aren't actually important. Your calling is a marathon, not a series of desperate dashes.

Mistake #5: Presenting Truth Without Grace or Grace Without Truth

The mistake: You crush people with correction and call it "holding the line." Or you avoid hard conversations and call it "being loving." But truth without grace ceases to be truth, it becomes a weapon. And grace without truth ceases to be grace, it becomes enabling. Healthy leaders integrate both.

The fix: Speak the truth and stay in the room. Correct with specificity and kindness. If you're naturally "truth-heavy," practice adding one sentence of affirmation before correction. If you're naturally "grace-heavy," practice naming the problem directly instead of hinting around it. Jesus was both fierce and tender. We're called to the same.

Mistake #6: Refusing to Deal with Personal Insecurities

The mistake: You lead from an unhealed place. Comparison whispers lies in your ear. Imposter syndrome makes you overcompensate. Fear of rejection makes you people-please. You know you're a child of God theologically, but you don't feel it practically. And it shows up in how you lead: defensive, controlling, or performance-driven.

The fix: Do the inner work. Get counseling. Face the story you've been avoiding. Confess the lie you've been believing. Pursue healing with the same intensity you pursue growth. Leaders who are secure in their identity make fewer costly mistakes. You can't lead others into freedom if you're still living in fear.

Mistake #7: Refusing to Apologize or Admit Mistakes

The mistake: You think vulnerability undermines authority, so you deflect, defend, or disappear when you mess up. But refusing to apologize doesn't protect your leadership: it erodes trust. People don't need perfect leaders. They need humble ones.

The fix: Own it fast, own it fully, own it publicly (when appropriate). "I was wrong. I'm sorry. Here's how I'll do it differently." No excuses, no "but you also…" disclaimers. Repair the relationship, then learn from the mistake. Humble leaders build loyal teams. Defensive leaders build exit strategies.

A Moment to Breathe

Stop for ten seconds. Close your eyes if you can.

Take a deep breath in for four counts. Hold it for four counts. Release it slowly for six counts.

Ask yourself this simple question: What am I carrying that God never asked me to hold alone?

Sit with that answer. You don't have to fix it right now. Just notice it.

Reflection Question

Which of these seven mistakes is the loudest in your leadership right now? Not the one you think you should work on: the one that God is gently (or not-so-gently) highlighting for you.

Your Next Right Step

Choose one mistake from this list. Write it down. Then write one small, specific action you'll take this week to course-correct. Not a whole overhaul: just one honest step toward health.

Maybe it's:

• Scheduling a counseling appointment

• Writing down your emotions for three days

• Apologizing to someone you hurt

• Setting a boundary you've been avoiding

• Taking one full day off without guilt

You don't have to fix everything at once. You just have to start.

Emotional health isn't a luxury for Christian leaders: it's a responsibility. You can't pour from an empty cup, and you can't shepherd people toward wholeness if you're running on fumes. God doesn't need you to be perfect. He needs you to be present, honest, and willing to grow.

You're not weak for needing help. You're wise for asking.

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Want more resources for sustainable leadership, faith-driven coaching, and practical tools to help you thrive (not just survive)? Visit www.laynemcdonald.com for encouragement that meets you right where you are. Every visit helps fund families who have lost children: at no cost to you.

You're not alone in this. And you're not behind. You're being formed.

( Layne McDonald)