Book: Raising Giants – Study Guide: Chapter 11
- Dr. Layne McDonald
- Jun 8
- 6 min read
"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm." , Proverbs 13:20
The Invisible Gravity of Influence
There is a silent, invisible force acting upon your children every single day. It isn't the media they consume, though that plays a role. It isn't the school curriculum, though that provides the context. The most powerful gravitational pull in the life of a young person is the circle of people they call "friends."
In Chapter 11 of Raising Giants, we transition from internal character building to the external social world. We move from the vertical relationship (parent to child) into the horizontal world of peers. For many parents, this is the most terrifying stage of the journey. We know that we can do everything right at home, but one "foolish companion" can introduce a lifetime of pain in a single afternoon.
However, the goal of a Christian parent is not to keep our children in a sterile bubble where they never meet a "fool." Our goal is to train them in the art of Fellowship. In the Kingdom of God, friendship is more than just "hanging out." It is a spiritual discipline. It is the intentional choice to walk alongside people who sharpen our steel and steady our stride toward Jesus.
This study guide is designed to help you and your children audit their social circles, understand the biblical mechanics of friendship, and move from being passive followers of the crowd to active participants in godly fellowship.
Part 1: The Law of Proximity (Proverbs 13:20)
Proverbs 13:20 is one of the most practical "if/then" statements in the entire Bible. It presents a law as reliable as gravity: You become like the people you walk with.
Walking with the Wise To "walk" with someone in the Hebrew context implies more than a stroll. It implies a shared journey, a common direction, and a sustained proximity. When your child walks with the wise, wisdom "rubs off." It is contagious. If your child’s closest friends value honesty, your child will find it easier to be honest. If their friends honor their parents, your child will find it natural to do the same.
The Companion of Fools Conversely, the "companion of fools" is not just someone who knows a fool; it is someone who belongs to their circle. The Hebrew word for "harm" in this verse can also be translated as "shattered" or "broken." This isn't just about getting a bad grade or getting in trouble at school; it's about the breaking of one's character and future.
Discussion Questions for the Family:
For Ages 5–10: Have you ever noticed that after you play with a certain friend, you feel more like being kind? Or have you noticed a friend who makes you want to break the rules? Why do you think that happens?
For Ages 11–14: If you look at your three best friends, what are three things they love? Do you find yourself starting to love those same things just because they do?
For Ages 15–18: Proverbs says the companion of fools will "suffer harm." In the world of high school or college, what does that "harm" actually look like? Is it always immediate, or does it happen slowly over time?
Part 2: The Strength of the Strand (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
While Proverbs warns us about who to avoid, Ecclesiastes shows us what to look for. God never intended for us to face the giants of life alone. He built us for community.
Two Are Better Than One The text gives us four reasons why fellowship is superior to isolation:
Work (v. 9): "A good return for their labor." We accomplish more for the Kingdom when we work together.
Support (v. 10): "If either of them falls, one can help the other up." In a world full of spiritual "trip-wires," we need friends who won't judge our fall, but will grab our hand.
Warmth (v. 11): "How can one keep warm alone?" This speaks to emotional and spiritual encouragement. When the world is cold and cynical, fellowship keeps the fire of faith burning.
Defense (v. 12): "Two can defend themselves." A lone sheep is a target; a flock is a challenge for the enemy.
The Third Strand The most famous part of this passage is the "cord of three strands." In a Christian friendship, the two friends are two strands, but Jesus Christ is the third. A friendship based only on common interests (sports, video games, clothes) is a two-strand cord. It’s okay, but it can snap under pressure. A friendship woven together by a shared love for Jesus is nearly impossible to break.
Part 3: The Friendship Audit
It is time to get practical. We cannot just talk about friendship; we must evaluate it. Use the graphic below to help your child or teen "audit" their current social circle. This isn't about being judgmental or "holier-than-thou." It is about stewardship. We are stewards of our hearts, and we must be careful who we allow to have keys to the front door.
How to Use the Friendship Audit:
Sit down with your child and ask them to think about their "Inner Circle", the 3 to 5 people they spend the most time with. For each person, ask the following:
The "Wise" Check: Does this person respect God? Do they respect their parents? Do they tell the truth even when it’s hard?
The "Fallen" Check: When I am around this person, do I feel "pushed" toward making good choices or "pulled" toward making bad ones?
The "Strand" Check: Is Jesus part of our conversation, or is He someone we only talk about at church?
The "Safety" Check: If I were to fall into a big mistake, would this person help me up or would they laugh/record it on their phone?
A Note for Parents: If you realize your child is in a "foolish" friendship, resist the urge to immediately ban the friend (unless there is immediate physical or moral danger). Instead, use it as a teaching moment. Help your child see the "harm" that Proverbs 13:20 describes. If you feel you need deeper guidance on navigating these social complexities, consider booking a session for Family Coaching with Dr. Layne McDonald.
Transitioning from Followers to Fellowship
Most kids are "followers." They wait for the group to decide what is cool, what is funny, and what is acceptable. The "Giant-Slayer" we are raising must be different. They must be leaders in fellowship.
What does a Fellowship Leader look like?
They are the first to stand up when someone is being bullied.
They are the ones who say, "Hey, let's not watch that," or "Let's not talk about her like that."
They actively look for the "third strand" in their relationships.
The Fellowship Prayer
To be prayed together as a family:
"Heavenly Father, we thank You for the gift of friendship. You said it is not good for man to be alone, and You have given us brothers and sisters to walk this path with us. Lord, we ask for wisdom for our children. Give them eyes to see the 'wise' and the 'fool.' Give them the courage to step back from relationships that lead to harm and the intentionality to invest in relationships that lead to You. May our home be a place where the 'third strand', Your Holy Spirit, is always present. Let our children find friends like David and Jonathan, who strengthened each other's hands in God. In Jesus' Name, Amen."
Reflection Questions for Parents
Your History: Who were the "wise" friends in your youth who kept you on the right path? Have you told your children those stories?
Your Example: Who are your closest friends right now? Are you modeling "walking with the wise" for your children?
The Environment: How can you make your home the "hub" for godly fellowship? (e.g., hosting the youth group, having the "open door" policy for their wise friends).
The Boundary: Where is the line for you between "being kind to everyone" and "allowing anyone to influence my child"?
About the Author: Layne McDonald, Ph.D.
Layne McDonald, Ph.D., is an author, researcher, and educator dedicated to helping families and leaders navigate modern culture through a biblical lens. With a deep commitment to the authority of Scripture and the mission of the Church, Dr. McDonald creates resources that bridge the gap between ancient truth and contemporary challenges. His work is rooted in the belief that every believer is called to a life of purpose, healing, and spiritual maturity. As a father and mentor, he specializes in long-form Christian publishing, focusing on discipleship, leadership, and family ministry aligned with Assemblies of God theology.
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If your child’s closest friends are currently leading them toward a "shattered" future, are you brave enough to be the person who breaks the cycle before the harm becomes permanent?
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