Book: Raising Giants – Study Guide: Chapter 12
- Dr. Layne McDonald
- Jun 9
- 7 min read
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’” , Ephesians 6:1-3 (ESV)
The Heart of the Matter: Why Authority Matters
In a culture that celebrates the "rebel" as a hero and views all forms of authority with suspicion, the biblical call to honor and obedience can feel like an ancient relic. We live in the age of the "self-made" individual, where the ultimate goal is to "speak your truth" and answer to no one. Yet, as we have explored in the main text of Raising Giants, the spiritual strength of the next generation depends heavily on their ability to recognize and submit to God-given authority.
This study guide is designed to help your family, small group, or youth ministry peel back the layers of cultural rebellion to find the beauty and protection hidden in the principle of honor. Honor is not about control; it is about heart-connection. It is not about silencing a child's voice; it is about teaching them how to use that voice within the safe boundaries of God’s design.
When we teach our children to honor their parents, we are not just making our own lives easier (though that is a welcome byproduct). We are training their hearts to recognize the ultimate authority of Jesus Christ. If a child cannot honor the father they can see, how will they learn to honor the Heavenly Father they cannot see?
Deep Dive: Ephesians 6:1-3 , The Divine Blueprint
The Apostle Paul, writing to the church in Ephesus, addresses children directly. This is a profound theological statement: children are not just "extras" in the kingdom of God; they are disciples in training, capable of hearing and obeying the Word.
1. "Obey your parents in the Lord..."
The phrase "in the Lord" is the guardrail for all authority. It means that the child’s primary allegiance is to Christ. When a child obeys their parents, they are doing so as an act of worship to Jesus. However, it also implies that parental authority is not absolute. If a parent were to command something clearly contrary to Scripture, the child’s higher allegiance is to the Lord. For the vast majority of daily life, however, "in the Lord" provides the spiritual "why" behind the "what."
2. "...for this is right."
Paul doesn’t appeal to convenience or social norms. He appeals to the moral order of the universe. It is "right" because God designed the family to be the first school of discipleship. Just as there is order within the Trinity, God has placed an order within the home for the flourishing of every member.
3. "Honor your father and mother..."
Here, Paul moves from the action (obedience) to the attitude (honor). Obedience is what you do; honor is how you do it. You can obey while rolling your eyes, but you cannot honor while doing so. To honor means to "weight" someone, to give them value, respect, and dignity. This command carries no expiration date. While a child’s obedience transitions as they reach adulthood, their honor remains a lifelong calling.
4. The First Commandment with a Promise
God attaches a specific blessing to this command: "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." This is not a magic formula that guarantees a trouble-free life, but a general principle. Children who learn to respect authority, listen to wisdom, and govern their impulses tend to avoid the self-destructive paths that lead to shortened lives and unnecessary suffering. Honor is a shield.
Understanding the Difference: Compliance vs. Honor
Before moving into the practical exercises, it is vital to distinguish between a home that demands compliance and a home that fosters honor.
Compliance is external. It is motivated by a desire to avoid punishment or get a reward. It often leads to "stealth rebellion," where a child follows the rules only when being watched.
Honor is internal. It is motivated by love for God and respect for the person. It remains consistent even when the "authority figure" isn't in the room.
Discussion Question: Parents, can you think of a time when you were "compliant" with God or your own parents, but your heart was miles away? Youth, why do you think it feels easier to just "follow the rules" than to actually show respect in your heart?
The Digital Frontier: Honor in the Comments Section
In previous generations, rebellion happened in the garage or at the mall. Today, it happens in the palm of a child's hand. The digital world is designed to tear down authority. It encourages snark, anonymity, and the "roasting" of others.
How does honor look in a digital age?
Digital Tone: Does your online communication reflect the "weight" and value of other people (including your parents)?
Privacy as Honor: Do you use your devices to hide things from your parents, or do you invite them into your digital world as an act of honor?
The "Roast" Culture: We must teach our children that mocking authority figures (teachers, pastors, leaders, or parents) online is a violation of the fifth commandment.
Group Activity: The Digital Audit Open your phone and look at your last five texts or social media comments. Ask yourself: "If Jesus were the recipient of this, would He feel honored? If my parents saw this, would they feel respected?"
Interactive: The Circle of Honor Family Assessment
This assessment is designed to help your family identify where the "leaks" in your culture of honor might be. Use the diagram below as a guide for your conversation.
How to use the Circle of Honor: Gather as a family and rate your "Honor Level" in each quadrant on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being "Non-existent" and 10 being "Thriving").
Honor for God: Do we prioritize worship, prayer, and the Word together? Do we speak of God with reverence in our daily conversation?
Honor for Parents: Do the children respond with a "Yes, Mom/Dad" and a respectful tone? Do the parents lead in a way that is "honorable" (avoiding harshness or hypocrisy)?
Honor for Siblings: Do the children treat one another as image-bearers of God? Is there more encouragement than criticism in the hallways?
Honor for Self: Do we treat our bodies and minds as temples of the Holy Spirit? Do we speak to ourselves with the grace that God gives us?
Assessment Reflection: Which quadrant is our strongest? Which one needs the most work this week? What is one practical change we can make to move the needle by just one point?
Practical Tips: Building a Culture of Respect at Home
Teaching honor isn't about a one-time lecture; it's about the daily "atmosphere" of the home. Here are four practical ways to build that culture:
1. Model Repentance
The quickest way to lose the "honor" of your children is to act as if you are perfect. When you lose your temper or act unfairly, apologize. Say, "I was wrong. I did not honor God or you with my words. Will you forgive me?" This shows that everyone in the house is under the authority of the King.
2. The "Appeal" Process
Teach your children that they can disagree without being disrespectful. Establish a "Respectful Appeal" process. If they feel a rule is unfair, they can say, "Mom, I understand the rule, but may I make a respectful appeal?" This allows them to feel heard while still maintaining the boundaries of authority.
3. Eliminate Snark and Sarcasm
Sarcasm is often "thinly veiled contempt." In many homes, it is the primary language. Challenge your family to a "24-Hour Snark-Free Zone." Notice how the atmosphere changes when the "biting" comments are replaced with direct, kind communication.
4. Practice "Presence over Pixels"
Honor is expressed through attention. When a child walks into the room, put the phone down. When a parent is speaking, the child should look them in the eye. These small physical acts of attention are the building blocks of honor.
Discussion Questions for Small Groups or Families
Scripture Insight: Why do you think God chose "Honor your father and mother" as the very first commandment dealing with human-to-human relationships?
Cultural Discernment: What are some common ways that movies, TV shows, or YouTube influencers portray parents? How does that influence the way you think about authority?
The Promise: Have you ever seen a situation where someone’s life "went well" because they listened to the wisdom of a parent or mentor? On the flip side, have you seen the "shortened life" that can come from rebellion?
The Heart Check: Is there any area of your life right now where you are "obeying" on the outside but harboring a spirit of rebellion on the inside? What would it take to turn that compliance into honor?
Chapter 12 Prayer and Declaration
Parents’ Prayer: Lord, help me to lead with a heart that is honorable. Guard me from exasperating my children with harshness or inconsistency. Help me to reflect Your authority so that my children find it easy to trust You. Amen.
Youth’s Declaration: I choose to honor the authority God has placed over me. I believe that God’s boundaries are for my protection and my blessing. I will use my words, my tone, and my digital life to reflect the weight and value of those I love. I obey my parents in the Lord, for this is right. Amen.
Layne McDonald, Ph.D., is a dedicated Christian author, educator, and researcher committed to equipping the body of Christ with biblically grounded resources. With a focus on cultural discernment, family discipleship, and spiritual formation, Dr. McDonald’s work is rooted in the theological traditions of the Assemblies of God. He is the founder of Layne McDonald Ministries, where he produces books, Bible studies, and commentaries designed to help believers understand Scripture more deeply and live out their faith with courage and clarity in a modern world.
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If you chose to live as if every word you spoke was a direct reflection of your love for God, how many of your daily conversations would have to change?
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