Book: The Discipleship Blueprint – Chapter 7: Modeling the Way
- Dr. Layne McDonald
- 5 days ago
- 9 min read
"Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." , 1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV)
Let’s be honest for a second: most of us are far more comfortable with giving instructions than we are with giving our lives.
If you’ve been in the church for more than five minutes, you’ve seen the "Instructional Model" of discipleship. It’s the one where we hand someone a book, point them toward a podcast, or sit them in a classroom and tell them, "Here is the information. Now, go and be like Jesus." We treat the Great Commission like a college course where the syllabus is everything and the relationship is optional.
But here is the problem: you can’t download character. You can’t stream holiness. And you certainly can’t learn the rhythm of a Christ-centered life through a screen alone. Information is a start, but imitation is the goal.
In this chapter of The Discipleship Blueprint, we are going to look at the single most challenging aspect of making disciples: Modeling. It is the bridge between what a disciple knows and how a disciple lives. It’s the difference between a student who can pass a Bible test and a disciple who can weather a storm.
If you want to disciple someone, you have to be willing to let them watch you. You have to be willing to say the words that terrified the Apostle Paul and should probably give us pause, too: "Follow me."
The Chain of Imitation
When Paul wrote to the church in Corinth, a city that was a chaotic mess of culture and compromise, he didn’t just send them a list of rules. He sent them a person, Timothy, and he gave them a principle: "Follow my example."
This wasn’t arrogance. It was a recognition of how human beings actually learn. We are wired for imitation. From the time we are infants, we learn how to speak, how to walk, and how to interact with the world by watching those who are ahead of us. Discipleship is simply the spiritual application of that natural human reality.
But notice the qualifier Paul adds: "...as I follow the example of Christ."
Discipleship is a chain. It starts with the Father, flows through the Son, is empowered by the Holy Spirit, was modeled by the Apostles, and is now passed to us. When we model the way for someone else, we aren't asking them to become a "mini-me." We are showing them what it looks like for a flawed, forgiven human being to follow a perfect Savior.
If your life doesn't point to Jesus, you aren't discipling; you’re just creating fans. But if your life clearly displays the fruit of the Spirit, the discipline of prayer, and the grit of faith, then your life becomes a living laboratory where someone else can see how the Kingdom of God actually works.
Management vs. Modeling: The Discipleship Divide
One of the biggest mistakes we make in leadership and ministry is confusing management with modeling.
A manager stays in the office and looks at the spreadsheets. They give orders, set deadlines, and critique the performance of those under them from a safe distance. A manager tells you what to do.
A modeler, however, gets in the trenches. They pick up the tools. They let you see the sweat, the struggle, and the process. A modeler shows you how to be.
In the church, we have plenty of managers. We have people who are great at telling others how to fix their marriages, how to pray more, and how to share their faith. But we have a desperate shortage of people who will invite someone into their home to see how they handle a fight with their spouse. We have a shortage of people who will let a new believer sit in on their actual, messy prayer time.
Jesus wasn't a manager. He didn't just lecture the disciples on the mountaintop (though He did plenty of teaching). He lived with them. He ate with them. He let them see Him tired, He let them see Him hungry, and He let them see Him in agonizing prayer in the garden. He modeled the way.
The 4 Stages of Discipleship Modeling
If we want to move from being managers to being models, we need a framework. How do you actually walk someone through the process of growth?
Over the years, many practitioners of discipleship have narrowed this down to four specific stages. Whether you are teaching someone how to lead a small group, how to study the Bible, or how to serve the poor, the process is the same.
Stage 1: I Do – You Watch (Modeling)
This is where it begins. You are the one doing the ministry, the praying, the leading, or the serving. The disciple’s job is to be present and observe. In this stage, you are setting the bar. You are showing them that "this can be done" and "this is how we do it with excellence and grace."
If you are discipling someone in hospitality, this is when they come to your house for dinner. They aren't helping in the kitchen yet; they are just experiencing the atmosphere of a home centered on Christ. They are watching how you welcome people, how you listen, and how you pray before the meal.
Stage 2: I Do – You Help (Assisting)
Now, you invite them into the process. You are still the lead, but they have a role. They are getting their hands "dirty" under your supervision. This is where the questions start. They begin to see the "why" behind the "what."
Back to the hospitality example: now, they come early. They help you prep the meal. They help you set the table. You talk to them about why you chose this specific menu for these specific people. You are sharing the "behind-the-scenes" intentionality.
Stage 3: You Do – I Help (Coaching)
This is the pivotal turn. The disciple takes the lead, and you move into a support role. You are there to encourage, to catch them if they trip, and to provide immediate feedback. This is often the most uncomfortable stage for both people because it requires the mentor to let go of control and the disciple to take on the weight of responsibility.
In our example, they host the dinner at their house. You come as a guest, but you’re also there to help them navigate a difficult conversation or stay focused on the purpose of the gathering.
Stage 4: You Do – I Release (Multiplying)
Finally, they are doing it on their own. You have released them into their calling. You are no longer "supervising"; you are now a peer and a cheerleader. But the goal isn't just that they are doing it; it's that they are now finding someone else to start Stage 1 with.
The circle is only complete when the person you discipled begins to model the way for someone else.
The Cost of Modeling: Privacy and Pride
Why don't we do this more often? If it’s so biblical and so effective, why is discipleship still mostly classroom-based?
The answer is simple: Modeling is expensive.
It costs you your privacy. You can’t model the way from a distance. To model means to let people see the parts of your life that aren't curated for social media. It means letting them see how you react when your kids are screaming, how you handle a bad day at work, and how you navigate disappointment. Many of us want to be "spiritual leaders," but we don't want anyone to see our laundry: literal or figurative.
It also costs you your pride. If you are going to model the way for a disciple, you have to be willing to model repentance. One of the most powerful things you can ever do for a disciple is to let them see you apologize when you've been wrong. If they think you are perfect, they will eventually give up because they know they can never reach that standard. But if they see you following Christ through your failures, they realize that they can follow Him, too.
Look at the relationship between Paul and Timothy. Paul didn't just give Timothy a theology degree. He gave Timothy a front-row seat to his life. In 2 Timothy 3:10-11, Paul says, "You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, persecutions, sufferings..."
Timothy knew "all about" Paul's way of life. He knew how Paul suffered. He knew how Paul loved. He didn't just hear the sermons; he saw the scars. That is the cost of modeling, but it is also the source of its power.
Living as a Living Epistle
We often say that "the Bible is the Word of God," and it absolutely is. But for many people in your life: your neighbors, your co-workers, the new believer in your small group: you are the only "bible" they are currently reading.
Your life is a living epistle. Your reactions are the commentary. Your priorities are the bullet points.
When we model the way, we are providing a visual aid for the Gospel. We are showing that the fruit of the Spirit isn't just a list of nice ideas, but a tangible reality that can inhabit a human being. We are showing that peace is possible in anxiety, that joy is possible in sorrow, and that forgiveness is possible in betrayal.
This doesn't mean you have to be a "professional" Christian. It just means you have to be an intentional one.
Practical Steps to Modeling
How do you start this tomorrow? It doesn't require a new program; it requires a new posture.
Invite them into the "Normal." Don't wait for a "ministry moment." If you’re going to the grocery store, ask your disciple to ride along. If you’re working in the yard, invite them over to help. Talk about Jesus while you’re doing the mundane things. That’s how life-on-life discipleship happens.
Narrate your life. Don't just do things; explain why you are doing them. If you decide not to buy something because you want to give more to missions, tell your disciple. If you choose to hold your tongue when someone insults you, explain the Scripture that came to your mind in that moment.
Point away from yourself. Constantly remind them that you are just a beggar showing another beggar where to find bread. When you succeed, give God the glory. When you fail, lean on His grace.
Be accessible. Modeling requires time. You can’t disciple someone in 15-minute increments once a month. You have to be available.
The Goal: Multiplying Christ-likeness
The end goal of The Discipleship Blueprint isn't just to make people more moral or more knowledgeable. The goal is to fill the earth with the image of Jesus.
When we model the way, we are participating in the ongoing work of the Holy Spirit to conform us to the image of the Son. We are becoming "little Christs," as C.S. Lewis famously put it.
The world isn't looking for more religious experts. It is looking for people who have actually been with Jesus and whose lives reflect that reality. They are looking for someone who can say, "I know the way is narrow, and I know the path is steep, but I’ve been walking it for a while. Come, walk with me, and I’ll show you the footprints of the One who went before us both."
So, who is watching you today? And more importantly, if they follow your lead, where will they end up?
Reflection Questions
If someone imitated your prayer life for the next thirty days, would their relationship with God grow or wither?
What is one area of your life that you feel "uncomfortable" letting a disciple see? Why is that?
Looking at the 4 Stages of Modeling, where are you currently with the people you are discipling? Are you stuck in "I Do – You Watch"? How can you move them to the next stage?
How can you practically "narrate" your spiritual decisions this week for someone you are mentoring?
A Prayer for the Modeler
Father, thank You for the perfect model we have in Your Son, Jesus Christ. Thank You that He didn't just send us a manual, but He came and dwelt among us. Lord, give me the courage to be vulnerable. Give me the humility to admit when I’ve lost the trail, and the grace to point others back to You. Help me to live a life that is worthy of imitation, not because I am great, but because You are great in me. May my life be a clear window through which others see the beauty of Your Kingdom. Amen.
Layne McDonald, Ph.D., is a dedicated follower of Jesus, an author, and a teacher committed to helping believers grow in their faith and live with eternal purpose. With a background in biblical studies and a heart for discipleship, Dr. McDonald creates resources that are doctrinally sound, emotionally resonant, and practically applicable for churches and families alike. His work is rooted in the truth of Scripture and a desire to see the Great Commission fulfilled in this generation.
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Are you ready to let someone see your scars, or are you still trying to disciple them from behind a mask of perfection?
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